National Secret!

Disclaimer: This post was made in jest and should not be taken seriously in any way.

AHA! I had a major epiphany recently about why Singaporeans are all so unobservant, insensitive and unresponsive!

There has been a national breakout of the ZOMBIE VIRUS! It started a couple of years ago... But nobody knows about it because everyone has been trying to hush it up! There is high suspicion that the virus has been brought into the country by foreigners from a certain country. (Cannot be named here, just in case..)

Proof 1
Look around you outside and observe: in shopping malls, Singaporeans can only walk straight and even bang into you! In comparison, foreigners (most noticeably Caucasians, but only because you can't really differentiate between Malaysians and Singaporeans) move out of the way long before collision time.

And it is quite obvious which people brought the Zombie Virus into Singapore, and you can find out for yourself using a very simple experiment!

In a shopping mall or outside, try moving out of the way of someone else walking towards you. There will be one of three responses:
1. Person continues walking straight staring blankly. (the infected Singaporean!)
2. Person got out of your way long before you got out of theirs. (clean foreigner)
3. Person walks into your path despite the large clearance you gave them. (the original infected!!!!)

Proof 2
Still in the shopping mall or MRT station:
Lots of Singaporeans walking super slowly blocking up the entire pathway, apparently unaware of anything going on around them. Even when going up close to them and saying "Excuse me!" at an obviously audible volume, they STILL did not notice you and continue on their slow zombie walk, completely oblivious to the fact that the entire pathway ahead of them is clear BECAUSE they are blocking the way.

Proof 3
On the road:
Driving without knowing what is going on around them. *sigh*
Anyone ever noticed? You flash your signal to change lane and NOBODY EVER LETS YOU IN. That's because they are ZOMBIES and can't see your signal!

Try driving in Malaysia. It's totally different and everyone has 10x the reaction speed of Singaporean drivers.

Case in point: Rainy weather. The moment it rains in Singapore we get at least 5 major accidents causing traffic jams around the country. If they can't even brake in time when it's raining, they MUST be infected!
(You don't get pile ups like that in Malaysia when it rains. Proven.)

This is why I never drive in Singapore.

Proof 4
Introduction to the BIG YELLOW LINES:
Remember being in Primary schools where there were big yellow lines drawn to split the stairs into two and arrows to show where you should be walking up and down? Remember the canteens where the same big yellow lines were also drawn to show where the queue should be?

And you know those big yellow lines worked because Primary school kids are always obedient and already have the IQ to follow simple instructions, as well as lines and arrows.

Those big yellow lines disappear as you enter Secondary school, because by then people know how to behave properly without being treated like Primary school kids.

MRT Stations:
NOBODY understands lines and arrows in the MRT Stations. EVERYDAY, ALL THE TIME, you see people standing right smack in the middle of the doors before they even open.
Question: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO GET IN IF YOU DON'T LET PEOPLE OUT???

The only possible reasons I can come up with for people not understanding lines and arrows are:
1. They are aliens.
2. Their IQ is lower than Primary school kids'.
(which is none because zombies have no brains!)

Since people in the MRT stations look like human beings, Option 2 is the only probable answer.

**********

Okay, now that I have proven my case, you must be wondering: HOW TO AVOID BECOMING ONE OF THE INFECTED???

It's simple:
1. Avoid cursing at the zombies or they will turn around and eat your brain.
2. Never ever be completely absorbed using your cellphone in public areas. Whilst you are unaware of your surroundings, the zombies will attack and you will become one of them!
3. Just avoid over-populated areas. Zombies just love to gather in crowds to celebrate the non-existence of their brains together.

Good luck surviving in Singapore! :)