It's back to the old times where I feel like staying in a corner of my room to squat and doodle a circle on the floor with a dark cloud on top of my head... Maybe one day I'll doodle so much that my tiles erode and people will pay to see my amazing feat?
Didn't I change... I seem to be falling back into old habits where I feel annoyed by myself... Wasn't there a big bright shining star that took away all my dark clouds and brought me out into the light? Did it distance from me today? Why do I feel the cold surrounding me again, the emptiness invading my heart, the thoughts driving me nuts and preventing me from sleeping?
My heart problem offically came back today. I have no idea why or how. Vasovagal syncope is just a part of it. No cure, no medication, no remedy. I don't know how to survive school this time round.
I didn't want to pass out just now so I struggled to stay... Maybe now I would welcome the blacking out, the sounds distancing, the blood leaving my head, just so I can stop thinking and have these fucking feelings leave me...
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